The Scriptorium

Title: The Crazy Kitty Caper or the Grand Adventures of Pirate John (1/2)
Author: Rusty Armour
Pairing: McShep
Summary: John must play the hero to prove his love for...Rodney's cat.
Category: Slash, Crossover, Action Figures
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None I can think of.
Disclaimer: Thou Shalt Not Steal. Even in the interest of fic. Most of these characters aren't mine. I, uh, borrowed them. Yeah.
Author's Notes: This fic was written for pyrateanny on her birthday! Here's wishing her many happy returns! For background on Rodney's cat, please check out this link.

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John glanced at his watch again and sighed. It figured that Rodney would be late considering that he’d been the one who’d insisted on punctuality. He had told John to be outside Giant Hand’s kitchen at 3:00 precisely, but it was now 3:11 and Rodney was nowhere to be seen.



“Where are you, you crazy Canuck?” John muttered. He was about to turn around and go off in search of Rodney, when he heard a vaguely familiar sound in the distance. He tilted his head and listened carefully. If he wasn’t mistaken, the sound was coming from high above. He raised his head to the kitchen counter, but he couldn’t discover where the noise was coming from. Then, when he did spot the source, he felt his blood run cold…



“Holy crap!” John cried. “How the hell did you get all the way up there? You’d better get your ass down here right now, mister!”



Earhart stared down at John impassively for a moment and then began meowing. Loudly. Daddy! Daddy!



“Now, I don’t want any excuses,” John said. “You got yourself up there, so you can get yourself down.”



Earhart mewed piteously at John. Daddy! Daddy! Help me! Help me!



John groaned. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” He gazed up at Earhart and shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you went up there without even considering how you were going to get down!” He rolled his eyes. “I suppose you expect me to rescue you.”



Earhart meowed eagerly. Yes, come rescue me, Daddy! I’m small and my legs are short and stubby.
I’ll never make it down on my own. And if anything happens to me, my other Daddy will kill you.



Man, if I don’t get that fleabag down from there, Rodney’s going to kill me, John thought.
I’ve got to get kitty down from there, but how? Come on, John: think!



John did think, but he could only come up with one solution. Although it pained him to admit it, he knew someone was
going to have to climb to the top of the kitchen counter to save Earhart, and that someone would have to be him.



So John climbed.



And climbed.



And climbed some more.



Unfortunately, what John didn’t realize was that K-9 had already arrived on the scene and was whisking Earhart off to safety. To make matters worse, some of Cassandra’s pesky metal friends had also decided to put in an appearance…



Nearly breathless with exertion, John clung to the edge of the countertop and prepared to heave himself up.
Then his eyes fell upon two metal creatures that looked remarkably like bugs…



John released a scream and then released the ledge, losing his precarious hold on the countertop and tumbling backwards into mid-air…




Parte the Seconde